James Fenimore Cooper’s The Last of the Mohicans is now available in Lego. Go on, treat the kids to a Hawkeye!

Edith Wharton’s The House of Mirth is not the rib-tickler it purports to be. Trading Standards officers are on the case. Suggs from Madness is said to be ‘very disappointed’.

Franklin Mint are producing a series of commemorative plates celebrating the 18th century French epistolary novel but NOT Dangerous Liaisons

Robert J Waller’s The Bridges of Madison County have been declared unsafe by leading Madison County engineers, blaming cheap materials and  shoddy workmanship.

Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre to appear as surprise guest housemate on Big Brother 10. Adam Bede pulled out due to prior commitments,

New penguin version of Scott Of The Antarctic out now. View the doomed heroism of the great explorer thru the eyes of a South Pole penguin.

Boil-in-the-bag Bond! The Complete Works of Ian Fleming in a range of sweet and savoury sauces. Microwave/oven ready. Excludes Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Jane Austen’s Mansfield House on www.rightmove.com.

Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse 5 held by West Midlands Police on terrorist charges. Anthony Scrivener QC on stand-by.

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin sold for £150,000 to John Peel’s ghost so taht he might play Maggie May with the late Ronnie Lane for The Faces.